4th of July

I'm going to be honest here. I've never really been a fan of the 4th of July. I mean, go USA and all of that but ever since I was little I've hated loud noises and fireworks are really loud if you weren't aware. But there's something that happens when you have a child that makes you reexamine how you spend your holiday's and what they mean to you. There are so many 'firsts' that life seems new again. You're watching your child experience things that you've done a million and half times for their first time. It's magical really. 

E obviously doesn't 'get' the fourth yet but having him with us to celebrate this holiday just made it seem more special. 

                                   

We spent the morning lounging around our house and we headed over to my mom's house for the traditional cookout. It is such a blessing to have my family so close that we can see them whenever we want. Having E surrounded by people who so obviously love and care about him makes my heart swell. It is the most precious blessing I've received in a while.  

                               

                               

If you listen carefully to the picture above you can almost hear E whining about his dad being such an embarrassment. Which is exactly what a parent should be to their kids. ;) 

                               

                               

E's Grammy and Aunt Kelly love this little dude to pieces. One thing is for sure: he will never grow up wondering how much he is loved. And for that, I am truly grateful. 

               

                             

                             

I live for these sleepy little moments. When I can feel his weight on me, knowing he is completely relaxed and at peace. Sometimes during nap time I'll keep him on my chest for the entire nap just because I can. I sit there and just hold him. I try to quiet my mind as much as possible and just live in the moment. I know that soon he'll be walking, running, going to school, and growing up. I always kind of rolled my eyes at parents who said that kids grow up too fast and it seems like time goes by in an instant but having a 5 month old already when it seems like we just brought him home yesterday has made me realize they were right. 

The quiet moments make the best memories. 

one...two...three...four

I've been taking these photos of Ethan every month in the same spot on the rocker in his room just to see how much he grows in his first year. It just amazes me how much he's changed from his one month pictures to now. I can't believe he's been in our family for four months already. It seems as if he's been here forever and not having him just doesn't seem right. 

Ethan at four months: 

Can roll over from back to front and front to back

Loves arching his back during diaper changes making it hard on mom and dad! Little bugger!

Smiles at all the girls. We have a serious flirt on our hands. 

Loves his blankie and snuggling with dad and mom at night before bed. 

Has giggled once for mom, but not for anyone else (making mom feel kinda special.) 

Has been sleeping through the night for about a month now! 

Is already in 6-9 month clothing, the little chunker. 

Ethan's Birth Story - Part 2

Within minutes of me agreeing that a c-section was the way to go, they were wheeling me into the operating room. Todd was waiting outside as they prepped me for surgery. Ethan was unhooked from his monitors, which made me really nervous because we couldn't tell what his heart rate was doing, but they assured me all was fine. When they went to put me on my back on the table, my back suddenly siezed up because I had been on my side so long during labor. I couldn't lie back it hurt so much. The nurse promised me some stronger pain medication as soon as Ethan was out, so I had that to look forward to. 

Once I was prepped, Todd came in and stood by my head as they got Ethan out. I don't remember much from here on out because I was pretty drugged up, so I'm going off of what's been told to me. Ethan came out really blue. His APGAR score when he first came out was a  4. That's really bad. Really bad. I'm glad I didn't see him like that but I do remember asking Todd why he wasn't crying and nearly panicking because my baby wasn't crying. They did get him crying and all was good. 

They took me into recovery and I finally got to hold Ethan. Honestly, I don't remember that first time I held him. I was pretty cloudy from the drugs and I regret that. I wish that I had the presence of mind to refuse the additional pain medication they gave me because of my back muscles. I don't know if that would have made a difference but it might not have in the long run. 

The next thing I remember is being wheeled to my recovery room with Ethan in his bassinet behind me. We tried to nurse, but he just wasn't having it. He started showing signs of his sugar dropping, which tends to happen in babies of diabetic mothers, so they had Todd try to give him some formula. He was really lethargic at that time, so a nurse tested his blood sugar. It was 30. Thirty!!! Which is dangerously dangerously low. Next thing I know, he's being taken out of Todd's arms and whisked away to the NICU. I was still pretty out of it at the time and wasn't scared for some reason, but looking back, that was a terrifying moment. The nurses in the NICU said later that he was the 'floppiest' baby they had ever seen come back. His sugar was that low. 

He ended up spending 5 days in the NICU. Todd and I made the trek from my recovery room on one side of the hospital to the NICU at the other side of the hospital multiple times a day. Every time we left to go back to my room I sobbed. I felt so bad leaving him there, all alone, with an IV in his arm after another unsuccessful attempt at nursing. My milk hadn't come in and he was still really lethargic from the c-section and the low sugar. I had been dead set on breast feeding before he had gotten there and with every failed attempt, I felt worse and worse. I started pumping on the third or fourth day and started to get a little, but not much. 

It was on the third day that he started developing jaundice because of my lack of producing enough milk for him. He got extremely jaundiced and at that point we decided to refocus on getting the jaundice taken care of and work on breast feeding later. I felt defeated that I hadn't been able to provide for my baby, but knew that it needed to be done to get him out of the hospital and that was what we wanted. 

Once we got him on formula, he perked up and the jaundice went down with the help of the bili lights. By Thursday, I was released in the morning and we were hoping that Ethan would get released that same day too. Once his results from his bili levels came back we got the best news ever...they were low enough for us to go home!! His sugar was completely stabalized and he had been off the IV for a day now and with the bili levels going down enough, the doctors were okay with us going home. 

He turned one month old yesterday and is thriving. He was a chunky 8lbs 15oz and at his last doctor's appointment had gone up to 10lbs 8oz. I call him Chunka, Mr. Chunks, and Chunka Monka and his cheeks just kill me every time I look at them. He's brought so much into our lives in the short time he's been with us. Being a mom has changed me in ways that I didn't expect and I love that little monkey more than anything.