4th of July

I'm going to be honest here. I've never really been a fan of the 4th of July. I mean, go USA and all of that but ever since I was little I've hated loud noises and fireworks are really loud if you weren't aware. But there's something that happens when you have a child that makes you reexamine how you spend your holiday's and what they mean to you. There are so many 'firsts' that life seems new again. You're watching your child experience things that you've done a million and half times for their first time. It's magical really. 

E obviously doesn't 'get' the fourth yet but having him with us to celebrate this holiday just made it seem more special. 

                                   

We spent the morning lounging around our house and we headed over to my mom's house for the traditional cookout. It is such a blessing to have my family so close that we can see them whenever we want. Having E surrounded by people who so obviously love and care about him makes my heart swell. It is the most precious blessing I've received in a while.  

                               

                               

If you listen carefully to the picture above you can almost hear E whining about his dad being such an embarrassment. Which is exactly what a parent should be to their kids. ;) 

                               

                               

E's Grammy and Aunt Kelly love this little dude to pieces. One thing is for sure: he will never grow up wondering how much he is loved. And for that, I am truly grateful. 

               

                             

                             

I live for these sleepy little moments. When I can feel his weight on me, knowing he is completely relaxed and at peace. Sometimes during nap time I'll keep him on my chest for the entire nap just because I can. I sit there and just hold him. I try to quiet my mind as much as possible and just live in the moment. I know that soon he'll be walking, running, going to school, and growing up. I always kind of rolled my eyes at parents who said that kids grow up too fast and it seems like time goes by in an instant but having a 5 month old already when it seems like we just brought him home yesterday has made me realize they were right. 

The quiet moments make the best memories. 

Summertime in Northern Michigan

                It's been a few years since I've been able to vacation up north and I have missed it so much. Growing up it just wasn't summer unless we spent a week or so up north in Traverse City, Glenn Arbor, Silver Lake or Bellaire. Between college, moving to Utah, and just general 'life' getting in the way, I've missed summers spent on Lake Michigan.  

               

I also realized while I was gone that Michigan's concept of 'up north' is something uniquely Michigan and it's part of what makes me love this state so much. I've come to believe that people from Michigan have a certain pride about being from Michigan, a pride that I just don't think other people have. 

Going 'up north' is quintessential to the Michigan experience and I'm glad I had the opportunity to share that with my husband and baby. E won't remember his first swim in Glenn Lake, his first glimpse of Lake Michigan, or watching the sun go down on the dock while daddy rocks him to sleep. But we sure will. 

                

I've found that the memories made and the experiences we have as a family are what keep us going from one thing to the next. Life isn't always good, but there's always a possibility of taking a weekend off and heading up to the lake. And the possibility is what makes the monotony worth it. 

               

We made the most of our week, that's for sure. We went into Traverse City, Glenn Arbor, Leelanau, and Suttons Bay. We shopped at a lot of old familiar stores (and some new ones too). We went to Boone Docks for dinner a few more times than should be allowed. In general, we just relaxed and let the lake living seep into our pores. 

               

             

                   

                            

After our week was over, I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to leave the simplicity of what being up north inevitable brings you. The lake sunsets. The fresh ice cream. The humid days that you can only stand because there's a lake right outside your door and you can go swimming at the drop of the hat. These memories and experiences that define what summertime in Northern Michigan is part of the reason I was so excited to move back home. There is no place quite like it anywhere else. 

I hope you're enjoying your summer! Just remember there's always a possibility of a lake escape somewhere in your future. 

one...two...three...four

I've been taking these photos of Ethan every month in the same spot on the rocker in his room just to see how much he grows in his first year. It just amazes me how much he's changed from his one month pictures to now. I can't believe he's been in our family for four months already. It seems as if he's been here forever and not having him just doesn't seem right. 

Ethan at four months: 

Can roll over from back to front and front to back

Loves arching his back during diaper changes making it hard on mom and dad! Little bugger!

Smiles at all the girls. We have a serious flirt on our hands. 

Loves his blankie and snuggling with dad and mom at night before bed. 

Has giggled once for mom, but not for anyone else (making mom feel kinda special.) 

Has been sleeping through the night for about a month now! 

Is already in 6-9 month clothing, the little chunker. 

A father's blessing

                   

Waaaay back in May (yes, I am that behind on posts around here! Whoops!) was a very special day for our little family. In our church we don't baptize children until they are 'of age' to make the decision themselves, usually around 8. So instead of a baptism, we have a baby blessing. The father, or other worthy Priesthood holder, takes the child to the front of the congregation and with the help of other male Priesthood holders, the child is blessed. While it wasn't Ethan's first blessing (Todd had given him one while he was in the NICU), this was the first 'official' blessing he received and was also when Ethan's name went on church records. 

Watching Todd go up to the front of the church and listening to his blessing was one of the most wonderful moments in my life. He spoke about how Ethan had been saved for this time and place and that he would make a good missionary when he was older. He spoke about how he would be raised to respect women and womanhood and that there were several women that would be in his life that would raise him to be a good person. He compared Ethan's faith to an oak tree; small and tiny at first but eventually growing into something that was strong and unshakable. At the end of the blessing, my eyes were filled with tears and my testimony of the power of the Priesthood stronger than it had been minutes before. 

We were blessed to have my family there to witness it and I think everyone enjoyed the service and the blessing. Afterwards, we went out to breakfast as a whole family. I am really enjoying being back in Michigan and being so close to so many loving family members that get to see Ethan grow up. I can't wait to see what is in store for our family as time goes on. 

                            

                                      

 

                         

                        

Ethan's Birth Story - Part 2

Within minutes of me agreeing that a c-section was the way to go, they were wheeling me into the operating room. Todd was waiting outside as they prepped me for surgery. Ethan was unhooked from his monitors, which made me really nervous because we couldn't tell what his heart rate was doing, but they assured me all was fine. When they went to put me on my back on the table, my back suddenly siezed up because I had been on my side so long during labor. I couldn't lie back it hurt so much. The nurse promised me some stronger pain medication as soon as Ethan was out, so I had that to look forward to. 

Once I was prepped, Todd came in and stood by my head as they got Ethan out. I don't remember much from here on out because I was pretty drugged up, so I'm going off of what's been told to me. Ethan came out really blue. His APGAR score when he first came out was a  4. That's really bad. Really bad. I'm glad I didn't see him like that but I do remember asking Todd why he wasn't crying and nearly panicking because my baby wasn't crying. They did get him crying and all was good. 

They took me into recovery and I finally got to hold Ethan. Honestly, I don't remember that first time I held him. I was pretty cloudy from the drugs and I regret that. I wish that I had the presence of mind to refuse the additional pain medication they gave me because of my back muscles. I don't know if that would have made a difference but it might not have in the long run. 

The next thing I remember is being wheeled to my recovery room with Ethan in his bassinet behind me. We tried to nurse, but he just wasn't having it. He started showing signs of his sugar dropping, which tends to happen in babies of diabetic mothers, so they had Todd try to give him some formula. He was really lethargic at that time, so a nurse tested his blood sugar. It was 30. Thirty!!! Which is dangerously dangerously low. Next thing I know, he's being taken out of Todd's arms and whisked away to the NICU. I was still pretty out of it at the time and wasn't scared for some reason, but looking back, that was a terrifying moment. The nurses in the NICU said later that he was the 'floppiest' baby they had ever seen come back. His sugar was that low. 

He ended up spending 5 days in the NICU. Todd and I made the trek from my recovery room on one side of the hospital to the NICU at the other side of the hospital multiple times a day. Every time we left to go back to my room I sobbed. I felt so bad leaving him there, all alone, with an IV in his arm after another unsuccessful attempt at nursing. My milk hadn't come in and he was still really lethargic from the c-section and the low sugar. I had been dead set on breast feeding before he had gotten there and with every failed attempt, I felt worse and worse. I started pumping on the third or fourth day and started to get a little, but not much. 

It was on the third day that he started developing jaundice because of my lack of producing enough milk for him. He got extremely jaundiced and at that point we decided to refocus on getting the jaundice taken care of and work on breast feeding later. I felt defeated that I hadn't been able to provide for my baby, but knew that it needed to be done to get him out of the hospital and that was what we wanted. 

Once we got him on formula, he perked up and the jaundice went down with the help of the bili lights. By Thursday, I was released in the morning and we were hoping that Ethan would get released that same day too. Once his results from his bili levels came back we got the best news ever...they were low enough for us to go home!! His sugar was completely stabalized and he had been off the IV for a day now and with the bili levels going down enough, the doctors were okay with us going home. 

He turned one month old yesterday and is thriving. He was a chunky 8lbs 15oz and at his last doctor's appointment had gone up to 10lbs 8oz. I call him Chunka, Mr. Chunks, and Chunka Monka and his cheeks just kill me every time I look at them. He's brought so much into our lives in the short time he's been with us. Being a mom has changed me in ways that I didn't expect and I love that little monkey more than anything. 

                                    

                 

                  

                                

                               

                               

                    

                    

                         

                                     

Ethan's Birth Story - Part 1

I feel like the title to this post should really be 'I Have A Feeling...' because I think I made that statement four or five different times as things progressed in ways we weren't expecting during my labor. 

I went to the hospital for the second of my twice weekly Non-Stress Tests on Valentine's Day. My Blood Pressure at the previous NST had been slightly elevated but they hadn't been worried about it. When I got out of bed that morning I said to myself 'I have a feeling my BP is still elevated. Wouldn't it suck if it were and they kept me over night for observation. Nah, they wouldn't do that.' Ha. I should have kept my big mouth shut because a few hours later, my BP was still elevated and they did admit me overnight for observation. Ethan was still doing good, moving well and his heart rate was perfect, so I wasn't really worried. My mom, dad, and sister all kept me company that evening until Todd could get to the hosptial from work. 

Satruday morning I repeated what I now consider my birth 'theme', "I have a feeling I'm going to be induced today." And wouldn't you know it, when my tests came back I had protein in my urine and was diagnosed with preeclampsia.  So, they started me on an oral medication (Cervidil? I can't remember what it was called now...) to start contractions since I wasn't showing any signs of labor. 

I wanted to go as long as I could without pain medication and told my nurse that. She was really supportive of this and said that she wouldn't ask me if I wanted meds unless I asked for them. Todd was really supportive of me attempting a med free too and was encouraging the entire time. Once the contractions started to get more intense, my nurse brought in a birthing ball and showed us how to use it. That thing was amazing and really helped me get through the contractions. If you have the option to use one while in labor, take it!!! 

I labored for about 12 hours (I think...the timing gets a little blurry) without meds and then I hit a wall. Whoever said that kidney stones (which I've had plenty of in my 25 years) are worse than contractions was completley full of sh...well, you know. The contractions were getting really close, less than 2 minutes apart and I was having trouble resting between them. And then a woman came in from the ER downstairs in labor completely screaming bloody murder. The two things combined really freaked me out. If she was in that much pain, how the heck was I going to do it without medication? I let her get inside my head and really kind of lost it. Todd was telling me to breathe (which I responded with 'if you tell me to breathe one more time, I'm going to hurt you) and that I could do it without meds. 

So, I broke down and asked for IV meds. I don't think I could have done more without anything to dull the pain. I don't know how women do natural birth. I got IV Staydol and minutes after getting it, Ethan's heart rate dropped severely. All of a sudden there were 5 or 6 nurses in my room putting oxygen on me and putting me in different positions to try to get him back to where he needed to be. That was the scariest part of labor for me. I felt like my need for rest had put my baby in jepordy and I felt guilty for it. They eventually got his heart rate back up and at that point I was so tired I asked for the epidural. I had wanted to avoid that at all costs but (here it comes again) I had a feeling that I couldn't have done it without the help of the epidural. 

Thankfully, the hospital I delivered at has an on-call anesthesiologist so I only had to wait a few minutes for him to come walking into the room to save me. The epidural was the most magical thing ever. I went from completely unable to rest because of the contractions to being able to sleep and not even feeling them. Fantastic. Best decision ever. Let me tell you. 

After I got the epidural though, my labor slowed. I made it to 10cm but something happened. I'm still not sure what, but my doctor said I wasn't progressing and even though I was at 10cm, I physically couldn't have pushed him out. At that point I had been in labor for quite a while and they were worried about the stress on Ethan. My OB came in and said it was time to move to a c-scetion. After I had gotten the epidural I had had another 'feeling' that things might end in a c-section but hadn't voiced it for fear of it coming true. I didn't want one (I mean, who wants major abdominal surgery?) but I admitted that I was pretty tired and I was worried about Ethan's ability to be okay thourgh a normal delivery. So, I agreed and we went ahead with the section. 

Part 2 will be up tomorrow with the rest of his birth story! 

To entice you to come back tomorrow for the rest of the story and more pictures, here's a picture of Mr. Chunk himself. 

Baby Shower!

We have been incredibly blessed since moving back to Michigan. A few weeks ago, my mom threw me a beautiful baby shower to celebrate our little Bean. It was small, just family, and it couldn't have been more perfect. We had a small room at one of my favorite restaurant's in Birmingham, Mitchell's Fish Market and let me tell you, my tummy was happy after lunch. 

How cute are these?! My mom made these using some Pinterest inspiration. 

The ducks just killed me! So cute!

These cupcakes from Taste Love Cupcake were to.die.for. Seriously. No wonder they won Cupcake Wars!!

We are so thankful to be surrounded by such an amazing support system here. Saying 'Thank You' doesn't seem like enough to show our gratitude, but we are so much more than simply grateful. We couldn't be surrounded by more supportive, loving, caring people and I thank God every morning and night that we are lucky enough to be blessed by having these people in our life. Bean will grow up in a nurturing environment that will ensure he thrives and I have all of the wonderful people involved with Todd and I to thank for that. 

From the bottom of my heart, thank you to everyone who has shown us love and generosity during this time of preparation and change in our lives. We are excited to welcome Bean into our family and introduce him to the community that has surrounded us with love already. 

Almost done!

Since it's technically Tuesday (hey pregnancy insomnia, how you doin'), I can officially say I'm in the last ten weeks of my pregnancy! 30 weeks down, 10 (less than that, really) to go. How crazy is that? I mean, really? It feels like I just found out that we were going to have a little bean join the family yesterday and now I'm sitting here at 1am feeling him kick and jab away in my tummy (he's taken quite the liking to my punching belly button and left hip lately. Mama is not amused by this to say the least). 

At my next endocronologist appointment, my doctor is going to go over my insulin levels for labor and delivery. When a diabetic mama who is insulin dependent like myself goes into labor, her need for insulin falls back to pre-pregnancy levels (yay!) and in some cases, the need for insulin is completely gone for a day or two after birth (double yay!) For some reason this is really making it real. We're going to have a real live baby soon and they might actually let me take him home (but probably only because Todd looks like a responsible adult)! 

Because of my diabetes, I'm probably not going to make it to 40 weeks before they induce me and it's something I've struggled my entire pregnancy with. In my ideal world, I would go into labor naturally when he was ready to come and labor without much medical intervention. But, as I've learned during this pregnancy, life doesn't exactly cooperate and is rarely ideal (and your body isn't cooperative much either). So, I've accepted it and am moving on with a picture of what my birth expereice is going to look like: possible & likely induction in a hosptial with monitoring around the clock. It may not be my ideal situation, but it's my reality. Without these medical interventions that will define my birth, it would be very hard (life threatening even) to get pregnant and carry a child to term. It took me a while to come to terms with that. I'm a big believer in natural labor and labor being something that is beautiful and every woman should get to experience in her own ideal way. But, we don't always get what we want. I keep reminding myself that I am so very lucky to have been born in a time where such medical advancements are avaliable to me. 

I'm not feeling 'huge' yet, but my OB insists that there is still time for that. So, I'm looking forward to being a whale soon. I've been working on my Shamu impressions to make everything more realistic.  Despite the fact that I'm working a limited schedule, I still find myself exhausted at the end of the day (and then wide awake as soon as my head hits the pillow. Thanks kid.)

Todd and I are enjoying our last few weeks of having a two member family while still being anxious and excited for our family to grow into three. The knowledge that I'm going to be a mom so soon is freaking me out more than a little, but I can't wait to meet my little. 

Here's an insta-look at what we've been up to while settling into our new routine at home in Michigan: 

We bought his crib! I love walking into the nursery and seeing it there, just waiting for him to come home. 

We went to my favorite place on earth, Bronner's Christmas store in Frankenmuth (and got chicken dinner. I was a happy pregnant that night) 

I turned into a master baker and made ALL the pies for Thanksgiving

We decorated the tree (I'm working on convincing Todd to let it stay up year round. So far, he's not into the idea.)

AND! I got to see my little's cute face. One of the benefits of having diabetes and being pregnant is that you get lots of ultrasounds! I love seeing him kick and squirm away up on the screen. 

Next up: 

Christmas! 

New Years!

My baby shower! 

Todd goes to Utah for his sisters wedding! 

And then...

BABY TIME! 

{26 weeks}

14 weeks until Baby Boy Smith makes his debut. 3 months and 2 weeks. Because of my diabetes, it'll probably be less than that even. Which kind of freaks me out. You go through your life thinking 'one day I'll get married and have kids.' and 'someday I want kids'. It's entirely different when you're 14 weeks from actually becoming a mom and starting a family and feeling that little munchkin practice his karate on your bladder. 

Seriously, this kid is either going to be a NFL kicker or a karate master judging by the way he is moving around in there. I think that's been one of my favorite things about pregnancy, feeling him move around. At first, it's hard to identify and you kind of second guess yourself. Was that the baby I just felt? But after a few weeks of maybe kicks, there's one day that he just nails you in the stomach and you go Oh hey, yeah, you're in there! He especially loves to kick around at night when I'm lying in bed on my side and will let me know if I'm in a position he doesn't like. He's not shy, that one. 

Every night (and day. and afternoon. and all.the.time) I find myself saying 'I just fed you child, why am I so hungry?!' And I can go from completely not hungry to OMG if I don't eat right this second I am going to have a meltdown. Which I've never had a problem with before now but I've learned to keep food near me at all times or else I end up in trouble. 

Overall, this pregnancy has been challenging but rewarding. I was prepared for how it would challenge and change me physically, but I don't think I was ready for how it would challenge me mentally. With my diabetes, it's hard for me to make those quick food decisions sometimes because I have to worry about carbs, sugars, protein, etc. So when I get into that OMG I have to eat right this second mood, I have to be careful with what I eat. 

I get so tired so easily and if I overdo it one day, I usually pay for it by not being able to do much the next. And for those people who say 'Oh the second trimester is the best one! I had all my energy back' Well, that doesn't happen for everyone. I think I was more tired in the second than I  was in the first. But, Todd keeps reminding me that it will all be worth it in the end. 

Speaking of Todd, can I just say how wonderful that man has been throughout this entire adventure? Becuase he has. There have been so many nights where I just couldn't get in the kitchen because food made me nauseous and he was fine with eating peanut butter and jelly. So many weekends where I was too tired to do laundry and he did it for us. And he's continued to do all of the dishes too. And the pep talks he gives? Wonderful.  He's been there for me in every way. I know I couldn't have done this without him and I wouldn't be able to continue on without him either. 

My other favorite part of pregnancy? The bump!!!

I can't wait to meet our little man soon.